This week was a hard week.
I have lots of mixed and bittersweet emotions about my mother’s situation.
This week my mother completed her full brain radiation treatments. She called me this week excited that it was over, happy that she didn’t have to do it anymore. I tried hard to be happy and tried hard to show excitement for another medical accomplishment but the excitement I showed wasn’t fully genuine.
Completing this treatment means there are practically no treatment options left. Less things to help pro-long this time we have been given. I’m so grateful she continues to fight, grateful she has the strength and determination to kick cancers ass but knowing this treatment is over is bittersweet.
The other part of my week that was difficult had to do with my job, just to remind you I work for a hospice. I work with families when they are fragile and usually experiencing one of the biggest emotional challenges in their life. Someone they love is dying. Something I am now so closely connected to.
This week we had a patient die, this death was quicker than expected. I’m aware all the patients are going to die, I know they are on hospice for a reason but sometimes, some families, some patients strike you and affect you in a certain way I just cant explain. This situation was one of those and it was very emotional for myself and for all of our team.
This patient died of a brain tumor. This would not be the first patient we’ve had die with a brain tumor but it’s the first patient who has died since my family has received the most recent news of my mothers tumors spreading to her brain fluid.
Sometimes I find myself struggling to separate my grief from the experiences I witness and the pain I see. I find myself questioning more thinking things like ‘ ‘will I react this way’, ‘will my mom’s decline be like this’, etc.
So at the end of the day, it was a hard week. It was hard for me to realize my mother possibly has no more treatment options and to work with the family of this patient who died, and to be present for this family when I myself am grieving. I think this will be a battle I will have to fight often. I will often have to set my grief aside to be present for the families but remember to come back to my grief and come back to working on myself.
Although this week was hard I’ve had some pretty wonderful moments since the last time I posted. My brother and I decided to start a Go Fund Me account to help fund trips back and forth from Arizona. The support we received and continue to receive has been just astonishing. I am still in shock and feel the true definition of gratitude for everyone who has supported it. This support has provided such a relief to my brother and myself. We now know we can hop on a plane when we want and not worry about our finances. That feeling is something I cannot replace. So the only words I have for all of you who have contributed is….
Thank you.
The link for the Go Fund Me account is on my menu bar at the top of the page.
As I’m sitting here writing this, a typical Texas spring storm is blowing through town. I hope as this rain falls it helps bring a new week, a new amount of strength to help me push through.
I hope the Go Fund Me account continues to grow
I hope this upcoming week I find the strength I need
I hope one day cancer is cured
Kelly Marie
I have lots of mixed and bittersweet emotions about my mother’s situation.
This week my mother completed her full brain radiation treatments. She called me this week excited that it was over, happy that she didn’t have to do it anymore. I tried hard to be happy and tried hard to show excitement for another medical accomplishment but the excitement I showed wasn’t fully genuine.
Completing this treatment means there are practically no treatment options left. Less things to help pro-long this time we have been given. I’m so grateful she continues to fight, grateful she has the strength and determination to kick cancers ass but knowing this treatment is over is bittersweet.
The other part of my week that was difficult had to do with my job, just to remind you I work for a hospice. I work with families when they are fragile and usually experiencing one of the biggest emotional challenges in their life. Someone they love is dying. Something I am now so closely connected to.
This week we had a patient die, this death was quicker than expected. I’m aware all the patients are going to die, I know they are on hospice for a reason but sometimes, some families, some patients strike you and affect you in a certain way I just cant explain. This situation was one of those and it was very emotional for myself and for all of our team.
This patient died of a brain tumor. This would not be the first patient we’ve had die with a brain tumor but it’s the first patient who has died since my family has received the most recent news of my mothers tumors spreading to her brain fluid.
Sometimes I find myself struggling to separate my grief from the experiences I witness and the pain I see. I find myself questioning more thinking things like ‘ ‘will I react this way’, ‘will my mom’s decline be like this’, etc.
So at the end of the day, it was a hard week. It was hard for me to realize my mother possibly has no more treatment options and to work with the family of this patient who died, and to be present for this family when I myself am grieving. I think this will be a battle I will have to fight often. I will often have to set my grief aside to be present for the families but remember to come back to my grief and come back to working on myself.
Although this week was hard I’ve had some pretty wonderful moments since the last time I posted. My brother and I decided to start a Go Fund Me account to help fund trips back and forth from Arizona. The support we received and continue to receive has been just astonishing. I am still in shock and feel the true definition of gratitude for everyone who has supported it. This support has provided such a relief to my brother and myself. We now know we can hop on a plane when we want and not worry about our finances. That feeling is something I cannot replace. So the only words I have for all of you who have contributed is….
Thank you.
The link for the Go Fund Me account is on my menu bar at the top of the page.
As I’m sitting here writing this, a typical Texas spring storm is blowing through town. I hope as this rain falls it helps bring a new week, a new amount of strength to help me push through.
I hope the Go Fund Me account continues to grow
I hope this upcoming week I find the strength I need
I hope one day cancer is cured
Kelly Marie