I decided I'm going to try to write when anything strikes me or when I feel I need to express myself, so here are my thoughts...
Last night I was rummaging through my desk and stumbled across a folded up , very crumpled piece of paper. When I opened it up I realized it was a poem my mother had wrote for me. Those of you who know my mom personally would know she loves to write. She journals daily and often writes poems for special occasions. The poem I found I think was written for when I graduated high school, but it wasn't dated. There were a few lines I just kept reading over and over, making this heart of mine feel the ache I’m desperately trying to ignore.
This is the first line which caused me to pause and re-read, was “Time can never be recaptured, yet you may always visit it in your thoughts”.
Seriously!?!, How much more truthful can it get than that? The moments I have had with my mom and the moments I am continuing to make will never be something I can recreate they will only thoughts, memories for me to simple dream about and look upon for comfort.
The second line which made me pause was this “So on days when life is not shining with promise, Use the moments like today to light your way, Until once again, you find yourself at another moment of pure joy.”
The words which stick out to me are ‘pure joy’…. I read that and think ‘ya right' what I thought was or could be pure joy is no longer feasible. Deep down I know this is not the truth. I know I will have moments of joy but then it will always be followed with a moment of “I wish mom was here” or “I wonder what mom would think of this”
I’m sure some of you are reading this thinking, why are you already talking about your mom as if she not here anymore when your mom is still alive, still fighting. But the truth is I am thinking these things and these are the kind of things that cause me the most pain and heartache.
It amazes me how something so simple as a poem written under completely different circumstances can be so powerful, emotional and comforting all in the same moments. I'm so grateful I have things like this from my mother, I will forever cherish them. I can turn to this poem and others and know she wrote them from her heart of hearts for me.
Trying to accept an illness like this for a family member is hard, trying to accept the dreams you had for your family member may no longer happen is almost impossible. I have so many dreams, so many wishes for my mother, so many hopes for her to be a part of my future. I know things are not impossible, some dreams, some wishes may still happen but everything is so unknown and unsure. The uncertainty hanging over my days is such a heavy load to be carrying around.
To assist with the uncertainty Ryan & I started a GO FUND ME account. The account funds will be used mostly for trips to visits mom and to support her if necessary. The link is at the top of the page on the menu bar titled "support"
I also added many photos and quotes under the menu tab "digital scrapbook"
I hope I will be able to make many meaningful memories
I hope I continue to find items from my mother like poems, etc.
I hope one day cancer is cured
Until next time I will try to stay...
Steady in Hope,
Kelly
Last night I was rummaging through my desk and stumbled across a folded up , very crumpled piece of paper. When I opened it up I realized it was a poem my mother had wrote for me. Those of you who know my mom personally would know she loves to write. She journals daily and often writes poems for special occasions. The poem I found I think was written for when I graduated high school, but it wasn't dated. There were a few lines I just kept reading over and over, making this heart of mine feel the ache I’m desperately trying to ignore.
This is the first line which caused me to pause and re-read, was “Time can never be recaptured, yet you may always visit it in your thoughts”.
Seriously!?!, How much more truthful can it get than that? The moments I have had with my mom and the moments I am continuing to make will never be something I can recreate they will only thoughts, memories for me to simple dream about and look upon for comfort.
The second line which made me pause was this “So on days when life is not shining with promise, Use the moments like today to light your way, Until once again, you find yourself at another moment of pure joy.”
The words which stick out to me are ‘pure joy’…. I read that and think ‘ya right' what I thought was or could be pure joy is no longer feasible. Deep down I know this is not the truth. I know I will have moments of joy but then it will always be followed with a moment of “I wish mom was here” or “I wonder what mom would think of this”
I’m sure some of you are reading this thinking, why are you already talking about your mom as if she not here anymore when your mom is still alive, still fighting. But the truth is I am thinking these things and these are the kind of things that cause me the most pain and heartache.
It amazes me how something so simple as a poem written under completely different circumstances can be so powerful, emotional and comforting all in the same moments. I'm so grateful I have things like this from my mother, I will forever cherish them. I can turn to this poem and others and know she wrote them from her heart of hearts for me.
Trying to accept an illness like this for a family member is hard, trying to accept the dreams you had for your family member may no longer happen is almost impossible. I have so many dreams, so many wishes for my mother, so many hopes for her to be a part of my future. I know things are not impossible, some dreams, some wishes may still happen but everything is so unknown and unsure. The uncertainty hanging over my days is such a heavy load to be carrying around.
To assist with the uncertainty Ryan & I started a GO FUND ME account. The account funds will be used mostly for trips to visits mom and to support her if necessary. The link is at the top of the page on the menu bar titled "support"
I also added many photos and quotes under the menu tab "digital scrapbook"
I hope I will be able to make many meaningful memories
I hope I continue to find items from my mother like poems, etc.
I hope one day cancer is cured
Until next time I will try to stay...
Steady in Hope,
Kelly