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So here I am in Mexico sitting on the porch of our room at a beautiful resort listening to the birds and few Rolling Stones stones, feeling the wind sooth my sunburned skin and I have tears falling down my face. It seems with every new or meaningful experience I have my grief decides to show its ugly face. Today has been fun filled day full of sun, friends, new people, drinks and having new experiences.
The only thing is...this is the exact thing I would call mom to share with her. I would tell her how I felt just like her today talking to multiple strangers, making friends with random people from across the globe. How when I kayaked out into the water I felt something strong and deep within myself causing me to pause and just wait, letting the waves take me for a few moments. How I wish she was here with me, I would remind her of how much I love her.
It's in these moments I cannot believe it's been almost 10 months since she's died. 10 months of life that has passed by without her. I hope wherever she is, she is able to look upon myself, Ryan and Tedi and smile at how we have continued to live and love without her. One thing I have learned through her death is life does not stop. Life continues to move with or without, I have chose to continue to be present in every moment and experience my life as much as possible. I've learned in moments like this to write, to talk to someone and to always always, let my tears fall. So here to that...
Dear Mom,
I miss you everyday, there has yet to be a day that I don't yearn for your advice or a casual conversation to pass the time. I'm so grateful for our final moments together. I will always treasure the final moments we spent among our family. Thank you for giving me what I needed to be okay with your death. I believe deep in my heart you were taking care of me until your final breaths I hope wherever you may be you are seeing me living and loving deeply as you said you always saw me do. I am going to do my best to continue to always live and love deeply. I hope that you see me pushing myself to be the best I can be and to live a life full of moments I will forever treasure. Through your pain I have found the meaning of gratitude and I will be forever grateful to you.
Tonight I'm going to wear your dress and jewelry and think of you, remembering how much you loved me and how you would be so happy for me, I love you forever and always.
I will carry your heart in my heart.
Kelly 💜
The only thing is...this is the exact thing I would call mom to share with her. I would tell her how I felt just like her today talking to multiple strangers, making friends with random people from across the globe. How when I kayaked out into the water I felt something strong and deep within myself causing me to pause and just wait, letting the waves take me for a few moments. How I wish she was here with me, I would remind her of how much I love her.
It's in these moments I cannot believe it's been almost 10 months since she's died. 10 months of life that has passed by without her. I hope wherever she is, she is able to look upon myself, Ryan and Tedi and smile at how we have continued to live and love without her. One thing I have learned through her death is life does not stop. Life continues to move with or without, I have chose to continue to be present in every moment and experience my life as much as possible. I've learned in moments like this to write, to talk to someone and to always always, let my tears fall. So here to that...
Dear Mom,
I miss you everyday, there has yet to be a day that I don't yearn for your advice or a casual conversation to pass the time. I'm so grateful for our final moments together. I will always treasure the final moments we spent among our family. Thank you for giving me what I needed to be okay with your death. I believe deep in my heart you were taking care of me until your final breaths I hope wherever you may be you are seeing me living and loving deeply as you said you always saw me do. I am going to do my best to continue to always live and love deeply. I hope that you see me pushing myself to be the best I can be and to live a life full of moments I will forever treasure. Through your pain I have found the meaning of gratitude and I will be forever grateful to you.
Tonight I'm going to wear your dress and jewelry and think of you, remembering how much you loved me and how you would be so happy for me, I love you forever and always.
I will carry your heart in my heart.
Kelly 💜