Today marks 9 years since my Grandmother died. when I was 17 years old I never knew how much her death would impact my future. I lived with her for a few months before she died at her retirement community. I helped to care for her as she was starting to decline, grocery shopping, chores, making dinner, etc. Through that experience I learned then that I wanted to work in a field where I would care for people and help them. At that time I didn't even know what Child Life was but it was caring for her that lead to the career I am now. I will be forever grateful for to her that.
When she died, I remember the ache my heart felt for her. I remember hearing the phone ring while I was in the other room, knowing what my dad was hearing on the other line.
Feeling her loss at just 17 taught me so much about the importance of life. I think prepared me to some extent for the death of my mother. My grandmother and mother have played very different roles in my life but they both were extremely significant roles. The feelings I felt then are mirroring the feelings I feel now.
Grief is a funny thing, hiding away for days then creeping up on you in a moment you never expected.
I have been cruising along continuing to miss my mom feeling okay as this life continues to move forward but then last week I was watching a late night talk show and one of her favorite actors was being interviewed and I thought to myself “I wonder if mom saw this?, she would really like it..”…I went to text her and remembered I couldnt.
I just sat there, looking at my phone, feeling heavy, like a elephant on my chest. Its moments like those that I can’t predict. Moments like that where I feel the loss of her so much because they are organic. The sense of her absence is so strong for during those moments
Recently I've been having moments where I will have a memory pop into my head of the last few days with her. Remembering the way her skin felt clammy and cold, the moment I saw her skin changing and I knew our moments were limited, when Matt talked to her, when I said my final goodbye.
Those moments are so painful yet I hope they never leave my memory bank.
I remember pulling her quilt up to look at her feet the night before she died seeing her legs modeling, changed to a blue, yellow. Working for a hospice allowed me so much insight yet also allowed these raw, rough moments to happen. I knew what was happening. I saw my Mom’s legs changing, her legs were a sign she dying soon. One of the proudest part of her bodies was fading. I immediately burst into tears when I saw that. She died the next day.
I remember kissing her forehead after she took her last breath as my final goodbye.
Much of those days are a blur but then many moments like this are so clear I feel as though I am there.
This week is one of those weeks when mom is heavy on my heart, and my grandmother is heavy on my heart as well.
I only hope now wherever they may be, they are together laughing and looking down upon this family feeling the love.
Steady In Hope,
Kelly
When she died, I remember the ache my heart felt for her. I remember hearing the phone ring while I was in the other room, knowing what my dad was hearing on the other line.
Feeling her loss at just 17 taught me so much about the importance of life. I think prepared me to some extent for the death of my mother. My grandmother and mother have played very different roles in my life but they both were extremely significant roles. The feelings I felt then are mirroring the feelings I feel now.
Grief is a funny thing, hiding away for days then creeping up on you in a moment you never expected.
I have been cruising along continuing to miss my mom feeling okay as this life continues to move forward but then last week I was watching a late night talk show and one of her favorite actors was being interviewed and I thought to myself “I wonder if mom saw this?, she would really like it..”…I went to text her and remembered I couldnt.
I just sat there, looking at my phone, feeling heavy, like a elephant on my chest. Its moments like those that I can’t predict. Moments like that where I feel the loss of her so much because they are organic. The sense of her absence is so strong for during those moments
Recently I've been having moments where I will have a memory pop into my head of the last few days with her. Remembering the way her skin felt clammy and cold, the moment I saw her skin changing and I knew our moments were limited, when Matt talked to her, when I said my final goodbye.
Those moments are so painful yet I hope they never leave my memory bank.
I remember pulling her quilt up to look at her feet the night before she died seeing her legs modeling, changed to a blue, yellow. Working for a hospice allowed me so much insight yet also allowed these raw, rough moments to happen. I knew what was happening. I saw my Mom’s legs changing, her legs were a sign she dying soon. One of the proudest part of her bodies was fading. I immediately burst into tears when I saw that. She died the next day.
I remember kissing her forehead after she took her last breath as my final goodbye.
Much of those days are a blur but then many moments like this are so clear I feel as though I am there.
This week is one of those weeks when mom is heavy on my heart, and my grandmother is heavy on my heart as well.
I only hope now wherever they may be, they are together laughing and looking down upon this family feeling the love.
Steady In Hope,
Kelly