During that time I was in Red River, NM searching for places for Matthew and I to have a wedding. I was able to find some breathtaking places but after the news from the doctor Matthew and I decided to move our wedding up to November 7th of this year in hopes mom can make it to the wedding. We are having the wedding in Fort Worth and the planning is coming together so nicely thanks to many wonderful and kind people out that.
After I returned home from Red River mom continued to gradually decline. Her hearing was fading in her left ear, her cognition was become more scattered and her stability was really starting to go. All due to the cancer in her brain and spinal fluid
On September 24th my step dad called my brother and I letting us know mom was asking for us. Requesting us to come as soon as we could. She was saying things like "I'm afraid I'll never see them again" and "they bring me strength". So Ryan and I bought a ticket for us to leave the next night.
Luckily the Go Fund Me account has again become a source of refuge for us during these moments. Without it we would be seriously struggling.
We went to Arizona and spent a few days with mom. She was coherent, able to get around just moving slowly. We were even able to shop the mall with her in a wheelchair and buy her a dress to wear to the wedding.
It was very apparent she was declining but I thought overall she was doing pretty well. Her attitude was mostly positive, she was learning to ask for help but most of all she was able to spend some time with us.
We came home Tuesday night the 29th.
The next day mom and my step dad called to let us know she had a very rough night with lots of vomiting and uneasiness. They went to see her oncologist who encouraged her to stop taking any oral chemo medications. He believed the symptoms she was experiencing were due to the progression of her cancer in her brain and spinal fluid. So, she decided to stop all chemo medications i.e. 'All aggressive treatments' this was Wednesday September 30th.
After seeing mom just a few days before Ryan and I felt she was doing really well and did not see a need to rush up to see her again but we would go soon.
On Thursday October 1st mom was enrolled into hospice care and by Friday my step dad informed us she was definitely declining and told us to come when we are ready. At this point we were unsure if it was from the new medication she was on or from the cancer being in her brain and spinal fluid.
By Monday of this week the hospice nurse came for her visit and saw a dramatic change from Friday to Monday. Her neurological decline was very concerning. The nurse informed us she did not see her lasting more than a few weeks if maybe a month.
So Ryan, my grand parents and I all decided to head up to Arizona. My grand parents were going to leave Thursday and Ryan and I the next Monday.
We all felt comfortable with this. Ryan is the middle of moving to a new apartment, I had planned to go to ACL and we felt Monday would be good.
But then yesterday my stepdad called. She had a bad night, very restless, she was no longer swallowing, barely conscious, couldn't lift her head and not able to communicate.
So here I am sitting on another airplane next to Ryan at 8:15 in the morning with a one way ticket in our pockets heading to see my mother probably for the last time.
Those are all the facts...I'm not sure I can even articulate my emotions to words right now. I'm feel so many different things.
Broken hearted
A sense of relief that this day is finally near
Guilty over all the 'what ifs'
Angry at cancer and every single PINKTOBER advertisement, pin on a shirt or pink anything.
Anxious
I do know that I feel very supported by all my family and friends. I want to thank you all for everything you have done and everything you will do. I'm not sure how people go through these tough experiences alone. I feel lucky to have the people I have.
I do want to thank everyone once again the Go Fund Me account it has assisted us with buying tickets and will assist us with our bills while we are away from work. We've used almost everything we raised flying back and forth. We are unsure of how long this will go on but we know we need to be with her and be by her side.
So with that. I'm going to focus on being with mom, I'll update when I can. Please keep our family in your thoughts, if praying is your thing please pray for peace for my mother and my family. If wishful thinking is your thing please wish for peace for my mother and my family
Steady in hope,
Kelly
https://www.gofundme.com/r5qrnw